ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
