Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
