Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
