he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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