I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
