At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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