I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
