I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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