You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
