I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My cat gives me a boner
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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