After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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