whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
