I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
