My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
