I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
