I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
