oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
