I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices