Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.