when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal