I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man