I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
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