if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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