His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
