We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
