i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
