and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
