The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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