wrigley field is MILF paradise
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
