Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
