i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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