That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Come on in and take your pants off
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