i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
