Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
