Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
