so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
