I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
that is very illegal...i love you.
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