I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
