Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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