My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
