Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
