thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
