and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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