Please, let me fuck your mom
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My breasts were aching with rage.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
