we made out on top of his cat.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
