I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
