Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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