you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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