JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
