I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize
