Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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