My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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