so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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