It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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