Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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