Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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