She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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