i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
