I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
