I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
