We're like a lot better than the average bears
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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