My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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