I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize