PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
