I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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