i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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