DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Farmville is her only friend.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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