I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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