I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
