The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
