You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
