dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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