OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
