No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
