I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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