can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize