sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
