do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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