worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
