I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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