I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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