also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize