i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
