i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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