you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
