I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
