I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
