I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
