i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
