you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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