when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
